I remember

Dear Uncle Brett,

I only ever had one nickname that I can remember growing up.

Hayley Bob.

And you gave it to me.

I remember going watching you in your rodeos when I was too little to know what was going on.

I remember you telling me I was your favorite niece (Although I'm pretty sure you said that to all of your nieces)

I remember your smile when we would all get together.

I remember when I came to stay with you for the night and you asking me if my bed had enough pillows because "girls like a lot of pillows on their beds"

I remember spending time with you and loving you.

I'll always remember these things. And miss you.

I know you are in a better place.

I love you.

Love,

Your Hayley Bob.

Elected

I discovered tonight that I have a huge pet peeve.

And that is telling people that they shouldn't do something because they have never done it before.

College elections are supposed to be fun and exciting and about 

THE STUDENT BODY.

as a whole. 

Not about one group of people that knows each other and has worked together for years.

All year round student leaders talk about how they are going to "reach out to the student body" and they are going to listen to everyone's ideas.

This also includes encouraging people to try for these positions because they have good ideas.

Just because they aren't involved in the same things as you doesn't mean they aren't involved or they aren't qualified. 

Leadership isn't just about what you are capable of doing, but also what you are capable of bringing out in other people.

I think that we all could try to be a little more tolerant because that is what is going to make this school a better place. 

Try a Little Harder

It's not a resolution until you write them down.

Here goes nothing. 

Last year I feel like I had this expectation to be the boring friend.

Mostly because I was working, but also because I just didn't feel like it. 

I have decided that I don't want that anymore. 

I want to be fun and exciting. The way I was when I first started school.

So.

1. I want to be spontaneous.

2. I want to be more genuine with people that I meet.

3. I am going to take more time to spend with the people that I really like, instead of spending time with myself.

4. Be better.

As the beloved prophet Gordon B. Hinckley said "Try a little harder, to be a little better"

But first, let me take a selfie

so•cial me•di•a
noun
1. websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking.

That is the Google definition of Social Media.

I think there is another definition: I think Social Media is a way for people to share only the VERY best parts of themselves.

The whole point of Instagram is to have people "like" or "favorite" the things that we are doing or have done.

The whole point of Twitter is to share our thoughts and have people validate them. 

And Facebook combines both of them.


Here's the thing though. This is not inherently bad. 

It is when you rely on those likes or favorites or shares or retweets for all of our self confidence.

The hard part is we all tell ourselves that it doesn't matter what other people think about us but the little tiny part of our heart that we can't lie to knows the truth: WE CARE. Otherwise we wouldn't take the time to share it. 

I'm speaking from personal experience here. The other day I shared a photo on Instagram and it has 90 likes. So close to 100. I don't know why I have this feeling that as soon as I hit 100 likes my whole life will suddenly change. 

No one is going to release balloons into the sky congratulating you on your accomplishment of gaining the haphazard "double tap" of 100 people on a social media site. 

One of the reasons that i know that these likes are haphazard comes from a social experiment that one of my great friends conducted a couple weeks ago. 

He posted a picture on Instagram of a half loaded post. So, if you weren't paying attention you would just think that the picture was taking forever to load. Example: 

Notice. This picture still has 65 likes. 65. This means 65 people didn't even see the picture before they hit the like button. I know this isn't everyone but it is still alarming.

This is what people base their entire self worth on. 

Remember: Social Media compares the best of someone else with the worst of ourselves.

I guess my whole point with this entire post is a reminder to myself that I am more than my social media accounts. 

and so are you.

I will.

I will not have friends.

I will never go on dates.

I will jump from school to meeting to work.

I will do my homework.

I will not see my roommates.

I will never eat.

I will try to be happy.

I will never have time.

I will never have time.

I will never have time.



I will struggle.

 but I will try.

Guide Me to Thee

Can we just talk about the Spirit for a second. 

Listen. I have not been doing everything that I should be doing all of the time. 

I forget to read the Book of Mormon. 

I forget to pray.

I think about skipping church. Every Sunday.

I am a very judgmental person.

And yet.

The other day I was praying in my heart for something. Something small that I wanted. I didn't even need it. and it fell into my lap.

This experience taught me something about Heavenly Father.

He doesn't mind.

Not "he doesn't care" because he always cares.

He doesn't mind waiting. Waiting for us to do the right thing.

Waiting for me to swallow my pride and admit I need Him.

He doesn't mind. Nor will He ever mind. 

He will look down at us and say "I'm watching out for you still. Please be better?"

And I will continually fall to my knees and say "I'm sorry."

I want to be better.

and He will always let me.  

Hello Alone.

I'm getting to that point in my life where my news feed is full of

Wedding announcements.

Baby Announcements.

Mission Homecomings.

And honestly it's incredible that such great things are happening to my friends.

But with every "congratulations",

with every "girl or boy?"

with every "Welcome home!"

I am no closer to my

congratulations.

girl or boy.

or even welcome home.




and i want to be.

21 is young.

but it is also time. time for me to stop being on my own.



I've been thinking too much lately.

Rocky Mountain High

Enough about the boring part of my life.

I guess it's about time I filled you in on my INCREDIBLE job.

This last week I had an opportunity to spend a week with a great group of students in Bear Lake.

We went rock climbing.

We went hiking. (I almost died.)

We went to the beach. (I got to try paddleboarding.)

We went on a nature hike.

We went horseback riding. (It reminded me of home.)

We played games.

We had campfires.

We did dances.

And mostly we spent time getting to know one another.

I love those students with my whole heart.

Out of Control

Sometimes things happen and you're like "YES! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I'VE PICTURED IT IN MY HEAD 1,000 TIMES"

And then other times things happen and you're like "This isn't how I pictured it ever in all of my wildest imaginings."

And that's okay.

I keep thinking that I can control every situation if I just think about it hard enough.

That is not the case.

People have thoughts and brains of their own. I forget that.



Now, my first inclination is to over-react.

Which is exactly what I did today.

But less so than the other brain in this party.



It is a good thing that I have incredible friends.

They remind me that this isn't the end of the world.

And that people change.

And that I've changed.

And that life can't be predicted. Ever.



Who knows what will happen in the near future.

I certainly don't.

Good thing Heavenly Father does.

And it's a good thing that I'm not in charge.




The only thing I can do right now is pray.

And remember that I am small. 

And that Heavenly Father's plan for me isn't anything like my plan for me.

Insanity

It's insane how fast two years can go by.

It's insane how different a person can be after two years. 

It's insane how much a person can like someone after just communicating via email and letter for two years. 

It's insane to keep holding on to something. 

It's insane because I've thought of every situation that could possibly happen.

It's insane because I keep over-analyzing every single thing that has happened for the past two years.

It's insane to keep imagining life with him when it very well could happen without him.

It's insane how much I still care about what he thinks of me.

It's insane how I turn into my high school self every time I think about spending time with him. (What if he doesn't like me, what if, what if, what if.)

It's insane how much I want to hug him.



It's insane. yes.

But I think I'm a little insane.

(I'm coming home to you) Every Night

I never thought this day would come.

Okay just kidding. That's melodramatic.

But I'm down to less than 3 months.

Remember this post?

Well we are almost through these 2 years of service he has dedicated to the Lord.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled.

But I am worried.

What if he comes home and doesn't like me.

At the end of that post I am talk about maybe being available.

Well. I'm available.

And whenever I talk to him I remember how much I like him and what a good person he is.

I just can't wait to hug him.

80 days.

This will fly by.

See you again

Here it is.

Another ending post.

The end of another semester here at Utah State University.

Another end of another school year.

Just one left.

What did I do with this one?

Let me show you.

I went bowling

Spent time with my best friends

Road tripped for work

Went to basketball games

Had a Valentine's day party

Valentine's day dinner with the girls

Spent time in the President's box

Visited this cute family

Remembered I loved my major

Drove to California

The beach.

Disneyland.

The temple.

Plants.

THE BEACH

Did math homework.

And mostly just missed my family.

Tell me why?

I just want to know why certain people are in my life. 

That's all I ask. 

Why?

Learn to Love Yourself

I am slowly learning things about myself.

Like the fact that if you are important to me I will drop whatever I am doing to do anything for you.

Whatever you need.

Anytime.

Anything.

Does this make me vulnerable? Yes. Probably more than I would like to admit to anyone.

This also makes me susceptible to feeling left out, lonely, or hurt when I don't feel that same loyalty.

Sometimes this also translates into me acting funny around a certain group of people. And by funny I mean unable to be myself. I'm a fun, outgoing, and mostly comfortable around people.

But if I feel as if my friendship with a person is being threatened I shut down. Almost completely.

I'm working on it. And I hope I can find someone that makes me feel like I can call them day or night with any problem and they will be there for me.

Let's Start the New Year Right.

This year has definitely been one of the strangest for me.

It started with no roommate, living alone and trying to figure out who I was.

I started the A-Team with little knowledge of what I was getting myself into.

I remembered old friends, and I made some dang good new ones.

I ate waffles. Lots and lots of waffles.

I made phone calls.

I blew up balloons.

I spent time with Seth, Haley, Kelsey, Ashley and Sarah.

I became an aunt.

I wore a blue polo for most of the summer.

I ate.

I went to weddings.

I stuffed envelopes.

I played outside.

I played inside.

I had the 2nd best summer of my life so far. (Sorry 2013, 2012 has you beat.)

I learned about myself and what I can bring to my job.

I spent a lot of time with 17 and 18 year olds.

I became a fashion designer. Just give me a puzzle and a hot glue gun.

I roller skated.

I had a boyfriend.

I didn't have a boyfriend anymore.

I tried to convince my sister that USU was the place for her. No luck. Duke here she comes. (hopefully)

I went on road trips. Many road trips.

I wrote emails. Every week.

I became myself.

And I like who I am. Even though I have more growing to do. Thanks 2013. You taught me a lot.

Missing You

Life is interesting.

My last posts were about good friends and Michael.

And that is still what I am thinking about.

I have really tried to "forget about him" I even dated someone else for awhile.

but he is always in my thoughts and prayers.

The people of Canada are so lucky to watch him grow up and become a more humble and loving person.

I can just tell in his emails that he is growing so much.

I just hope I measure up.

I think this is the one thing that I am panicking about. I know there is no need to panic because he still has a little over 6 months left on his mission, but I just worry he will come home this spiritual giant and I am going to disappoint him.

I just need him to come back so I can talk to him about this stuff. It is so important, but can't be discussed through email or letter.

6 months. I can do this.

Make New Friends

I want to introduce you to some people.

Hayley, Haley, Kortney, Seth

Sarah, Haley, Megan, Kortney, Hayley, Seth

Seth, Hayley (Text Message sent to Haley)

Notice any common names?

Seth. And Haley.

Basically we are best friends. (I think, I hope I'm not overstepping any bounds here.)

What would I do without them?

Fail Biology.

Wild in the Streets

Life is rocking.

Things are just chugging along so fast! I feel like my life is speeding by and I am worried I am not living it to the fullest.

Except I have been so blessed to have very good friends in my life who help do just that.

The A-Team is steadily becoming my best friends. Especially 2 of the girls. We have been lucky to get along so well.

Then there is Kelsey. Who is my best friend and always will be. Except we need to make our activities include working out instead of eating all the time!

You guys that are nice enough to be reading this, you are great.

If We Were A Movie

My life is seriously one big awkward moment after another.

I am not kidding.

Here is yet another example of "Why Hayley's Life Should Be a Movie"

Me and my friend are casually strolling out of my friend's birthday party going to my other friend's house. (That makes me sound really popular. I'm not.)

As we are walking to our apartment building these two guys look lost, so being the absolutely kind and friendly people that we are, we stopped and asked them what they needed.

They looked like they were looking for a specific person/people. (I mean they had our ward directory in their hands.)

All of a sudden I am wrapped in this guys arms and he starts dancing with me. (Now normally I would say this was a dream and I am so thrilled that this happened, but in real life it is a little (a lot) creepy.)

Now, we are just dancing in the parking lot, and as flattered as I am, I was late.

Here's where things went from "Hmm...he's really gutsy" to "Hmm...these guys are potential creepers."

They said and I quote "I think you should invite us into your apartment now."

How about no.

And then the guy that hasn't let go of me during this whole exchange tells me that we will be getting married in September.

Well.

I gave him my number because A. He was cute, B. He had guts, and C. Because I knew I would never hear from him again.

I know that this written account does not give it justice, but it gives you some idea of why I think that someone should follow me around with a video camera and make me the star of a Reality TV Show entitled

"Girl is Awkward."

Okay...the title needs work. A lot of work.

I'll be Missing You

Some days are harder than others.

Today is one of those hard days.

I just really want my best friend!

One of those hugs, smiles, laughs.

Almost 8 months now.

People keep telling me, just you wait! You'll find somebody new and never look back.

I don't want to regret anything.

But why? Why is it that just because he is gone for 2 years I have to forget about him?

Why can't we both be working on each other separately before we try to make it work together.

I know I'm not forgetting, but is he?

Don't worry. I'm not announcing any marriage plans for when he gets back. Who knows? Maybe they are right. Maybe I will hate what he becomes.

Or...

I will love what he has worked so hard to become. He will be closer to Heavenly Father. He will have had a hard 2 years.

But he will still be him.