Out of Control

Sometimes things happen and you're like "YES! THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I'VE PICTURED IT IN MY HEAD 1,000 TIMES"

And then other times things happen and you're like "This isn't how I pictured it ever in all of my wildest imaginings."

And that's okay.

I keep thinking that I can control every situation if I just think about it hard enough.

That is not the case.

People have thoughts and brains of their own. I forget that.



Now, my first inclination is to over-react.

Which is exactly what I did today.

But less so than the other brain in this party.



It is a good thing that I have incredible friends.

They remind me that this isn't the end of the world.

And that people change.

And that I've changed.

And that life can't be predicted. Ever.



Who knows what will happen in the near future.

I certainly don't.

Good thing Heavenly Father does.

And it's a good thing that I'm not in charge.




The only thing I can do right now is pray.

And remember that I am small. 

And that Heavenly Father's plan for me isn't anything like my plan for me.

Insanity

It's insane how fast two years can go by.

It's insane how different a person can be after two years. 

It's insane how much a person can like someone after just communicating via email and letter for two years. 

It's insane to keep holding on to something. 

It's insane because I've thought of every situation that could possibly happen.

It's insane because I keep over-analyzing every single thing that has happened for the past two years.

It's insane to keep imagining life with him when it very well could happen without him.

It's insane how much I still care about what he thinks of me.

It's insane how I turn into my high school self every time I think about spending time with him. (What if he doesn't like me, what if, what if, what if.)

It's insane how much I want to hug him.



It's insane. yes.

But I think I'm a little insane.

(I'm coming home to you) Every Night

I never thought this day would come.

Okay just kidding. That's melodramatic.

But I'm down to less than 3 months.

Remember this post?

Well we are almost through these 2 years of service he has dedicated to the Lord.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't thrilled.

But I am worried.

What if he comes home and doesn't like me.

At the end of that post I am talk about maybe being available.

Well. I'm available.

And whenever I talk to him I remember how much I like him and what a good person he is.

I just can't wait to hug him.

80 days.

This will fly by.

See you again

Here it is.

Another ending post.

The end of another semester here at Utah State University.

Another end of another school year.

Just one left.

What did I do with this one?

Let me show you.

I went bowling

Spent time with my best friends

Road tripped for work

Went to basketball games

Had a Valentine's day party

Valentine's day dinner with the girls

Spent time in the President's box

Visited this cute family

Remembered I loved my major

Drove to California

The beach.

Disneyland.

The temple.

Plants.

THE BEACH

Did math homework.

And mostly just missed my family.

Tell me why?

I just want to know why certain people are in my life. 

That's all I ask. 

Why?

Learn to Love Yourself

I am slowly learning things about myself.

Like the fact that if you are important to me I will drop whatever I am doing to do anything for you.

Whatever you need.

Anytime.

Anything.

Does this make me vulnerable? Yes. Probably more than I would like to admit to anyone.

This also makes me susceptible to feeling left out, lonely, or hurt when I don't feel that same loyalty.

Sometimes this also translates into me acting funny around a certain group of people. And by funny I mean unable to be myself. I'm a fun, outgoing, and mostly comfortable around people.

But if I feel as if my friendship with a person is being threatened I shut down. Almost completely.

I'm working on it. And I hope I can find someone that makes me feel like I can call them day or night with any problem and they will be there for me.

Let's Start the New Year Right.

This year has definitely been one of the strangest for me.

It started with no roommate, living alone and trying to figure out who I was.

I started the A-Team with little knowledge of what I was getting myself into.

I remembered old friends, and I made some dang good new ones.

I ate waffles. Lots and lots of waffles.

I made phone calls.

I blew up balloons.

I spent time with Seth, Haley, Kelsey, Ashley and Sarah.

I became an aunt.

I wore a blue polo for most of the summer.

I ate.

I went to weddings.

I stuffed envelopes.

I played outside.

I played inside.

I had the 2nd best summer of my life so far. (Sorry 2013, 2012 has you beat.)

I learned about myself and what I can bring to my job.

I spent a lot of time with 17 and 18 year olds.

I became a fashion designer. Just give me a puzzle and a hot glue gun.

I roller skated.

I had a boyfriend.

I didn't have a boyfriend anymore.

I tried to convince my sister that USU was the place for her. No luck. Duke here she comes. (hopefully)

I went on road trips. Many road trips.

I wrote emails. Every week.

I became myself.

And I like who I am. Even though I have more growing to do. Thanks 2013. You taught me a lot.